Applying to college is a huge milestone in many high school students’ lives, and it’s natural for parents to want to help them make the best of it. However, despite many parents’ good intentions, they may inadvertently complicate or add more stress to the process for their student. Curious how you can strike the right balance and avoid overbearing involvement in favor of more positive, supportive guidance? Check out this blog! As college counselors, we’ve seen it all! So, here’s a thing or two we’ve learned to help you out along the way.
Taking Over the Process
One of the most common mistakes we see parents making is letting the urge to assume total control over the college application process win. While students can benefit from parental guidance, reminders, and help, ultimately, admissions officers want to hear the authentic voice of the student, not a polished version created by mom or dad.
Colleges (and college essay advisors) can almost always tell when parents write or heavily edit their student’s essay; and it’s a tough conversation when parents want to take control and fill out application forms or dictate college choices because these things often unintentionally hinder your children’s natural development.
It’s important to remember that college applications represent a student’s first significant independent project, one with real-world consequences. The skills developed during this process—like organization, deadline management, self-advocacy, and personal reflection—are exactly the abilities students will need to succeed in college and beyond. By stepping back and acting as more of a consultant rather than a manager, parents can help their student develop these essential skills and maintain a positive, healthy relationship amidst college applications.
What Parents Want vs. What Students Want
While they may not mean to, it’s not uncommon for parents to unconsciously project their dreams onto their children. They might hope their child will end up attending their alma mater, an Ivy league school, or the state flagship university, but projecting these aspirations onto your student, rather than letting them arrive at their own conclusions might result in a college list that reflects the parents’ ambitions rather than the student’s genuine interests and needs.
To try and make this process more conversational, we recommend trying to host open-ended conversations with your student to understand what they hope to gain from their college experience. Some questions we recommend you ask are: How do you learn best? What academic programs does the school offer that would interest you? Are there any clubs you’d want to join? What are you thinking of majoring in? Or, check out our list of questions to consider before choosing a school for more ways to start the college conversation!
Neglecting Financial Reality
Many families make the mistake of postponing discussions of college affordability until after acceptance letters arrive– which can lead to incredible disappointment when a student must then decline an acceptance due to financial constraints.
Parents sometimes make promises about “making it work” when it comes to college, but do so without fully understanding the long-term impact of significant student loan debt and other related costs. That being said, we urge parents and students alike to be mindful and proactive about this part of the process.
A better strategy is to have open conversations about financial boundaries early in the college search process. Tools like the net price calculator, which is required on all college websites, can give you estimates of actual costs before you even apply. Being sure to include affordable options on a college list helps you and your student make sure there are viable financial choices on the table when it comes time to make a decision.
Comparing their Child to Others
With how competitive college admissions can be these days, it can be hard not to compare your student’s achievements with those of others. However, doing so creates unnecessary student anxiety as they learn to overlook how holistic and individualized the college application review process actually is.
Every student brings a unique combination of strengths, interests, and perspectives to their applications, and instead of worrying about how your student measures up against their peers, parents should concentrate on helping them effectively present their authentic stories and unique qualities. In any case, there are colleges out there who would be glad to have them!
Micromanaging
Deadlines can be a sore spot for many parents and students. For some parents, the temptation to micromanage can be overwhelming, and sometimes not without good reason! However, the urge to nag students about the tasks and timelines almost always leads to a stressful atmosphere at home, and not necessarily a more productive one.
We recommend that instead, parents help students create their own system for tracking deadlines or breaking tasks into smaller and more manageable steps. Parents can do this by providing gentle reminders and checking in as occasionally as possible. Students need to be able to take responsibility for this process, but it’s okay to offer a bit of a safety net when you’re helping them develop essential time management skills.
Conclusion
There are many ways that parents can be a great student resource during college application season, and at Marks Education, we’re there to help you strike this balance. Hoping to learn more about college counseling and essay services? Check out our college application and essay help pages, or contact us for a FREE consultation!